Terrified or terribly excited?

It’s the Liverpool Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon tomorrow and I’m heading towards it with a massive mixed bag of emotions. I ran it last year and loved it, at the peak of my running so far, achieving a PB of 3:22:39, which I was absolutely thrilled with and hugely proud of. Training continued to go well, I completed a duathlon in September then the Royal Parks Half marathon on October 12th, just seconds outside my half marathon PB.

Five days later on the 17th October, I slipped on the stairs at home, running down to get the Parmesan cheese to grate over our pasta for tea, and broke some bones in my foot, a grand total of five breaks.

I should be happy that I’m back to running a marathon at all, and don’t get me wrong, a big part of me is, but I’ve lost a lot of my speed, am carrying more weight as a consequence of not doing any training for months, which also impacts my speed. I’ve trained hard for this marathon, but have consciously focused on stamina and distance rather than speed, which is fine, but now that it’s here, I’m sad. There’s no chance of going for a PB, and I don’t want to just plod round the course.

So I go into tomorrow, excited to be running a marathon again, but knowing where I was last year, it feels like a shadow of that and that makes me sad. It’s a mix of being made up to be back and salt in the wound saying ‘this is where you were and you’re no where near back’.

I have a good idea of how I’ll run tomorrow, race plan, time and everything, as I’ve done the training and know what I should be able to achieve, and of course I’m grateful that I can run at all and to be running a marathon is fantastic, but of course I had planned it so differently. I’d hoped to improve on last year, pushing towards the next goal of sub 3-15, the rational bit of me knows that whatever I achieve tomorrow should be celebrated, but my emotions are all over the place. Part of me doesn’t want to run at all, rather than run slowly and be underwhelmed by my time.

I don’t know how I’m going to feel when I stand on the start line, I had been trying to look forward to it, but I think I was hiding the sadness. Right now, I’m fairly sure I’m going to cry, at the start, on the way round and at the finish, which is not a great look. That’s one marathon photo I definitely won’t be buying.

As to my #juneathon activity today, I’m resting ahead of tomorrow, so I’m counting my morning yoga routine, 3 minute plank and traipsing round the school summer fair. I will write a race report, no matter how it goes.

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3 thoughts on “Terrified or terribly excited?

  1. Good luck. After a significant injury you shouldn’t compare yourself to a pre-injury PB. Run to your plan for this race and then build from there. Remember to enjoy the atmosphere.

  2. Good luck tomorrow. I understand why you’ve got mixed emotions but as you say, you’ve done an amazing job to get back to being a marathoner – try to enjoy it!

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